Did everything humanly possible to ensure your child is safe but found they still chose a path that could destroy their life?
You are not alone. Quite often we hear parents question where they went wrong and what more they could have done to prevent their children from making the wrong choices.
One of these wrong choices is the use of drugs. Not only does it destroy the lives of the drug user but also the lives of the user’s family.
As part of its drug awareness campaign ER24 spoke to a drug addict’s father. Like several other parents, Vic* was loving, provided support and was always there for his son, his only child. Little did he know his son would become a drug addict.
Vic* found out his son, now 25 years old, was using drugs just after he turned 19 years of age.
“He said it started off as experiments. He was smoking marijuana for a long time. According to him, when he tried heroine he did not know what it was. He got hooked on it almost immediately.
“I was devastated. He always spoke about some of his friends who were on drugs and how he would never do it. When I found out, I was angry. I felt he was weak. I eventually calmed down and decided that we would address the problem together. That was easier said than done. It was frustrating as problems did not seem to come to an end,” said Vic*.
As his son’s addiction worsened, so did his behaviour. He had a complete change of personality. He drank excessively, was rude, violent and disrespectful. “He lost complete control of his life. He resorted to stealing from me. When he could not steal anymore from me he ended up on the streets where he continued to steal. He chose to live on the streets instead of in his home. It was difficult to see him in that condition,” said Vic*.
It did not take long for his son to end up in prison.
“He was arrested numerous times. I bailed him out a few times and got him into a rehab. However, the change did not last long. Short-term treatment had no effect at all,” said Vic*.
Vic’s* son had been to rehab five times. Vic* said there were times when he thought about giving up.
“What aggravated me the most was that he had a good upbringing, a good education and a good job. He is a qualified graphic designer. He was a very creative person and very good at what he did. He threw it all away for drugs. He also used to take pride in how he dressed and looked. This changed when he became a drug addict,” said Vic*. He added that it worried him when he looked at recovery statistics.
“Statistics I looked at showed that a small percentage of drug addicts actually recover. I thought this is what my son’s future would be. I was hurt. He is my only child and I found it difficult to see him that way. I thought about excluding him from my life but could never do it because he is my son. I just tried harder to help him,” said Vic*.
Realisation
Vic*s son eventually realised that he was destroying his life and that he needed help.
“Spending time in prison and losing a friend as a result of an overdose had an effect on him. Looking at some of his schoolmates and seeing what they achieved in their lives also bothered him. He had become alienated. He missed having friends and being in a relationship. He wanted help,” said Vic*.
Vic’s* son is back in rehab by choice. He will be spending about a year there.
“I believe it will work this time because he desperately wanted to go there. I believe he will change because he wants to live a normal life again. I believe he will change because he is tired of being regarded as a ‘nothing and no one’. I will not give up on him,” said Vic*.
He urged other children who are using drugs to seek help.
“There is no life being an addict. There is no such thing as recreational drugs. If my son was not on drugs he would be someone extremely successful today because of his talent. He lost five years of his life. Do not believe you are in control of your habit. You cannot control drugs. It will not only control you but destroy you and everybody around you mentally and financially,” he said.
Vic* said this experience has taught him the importance of tough love as a parent.
“We all learn from our mistakes and what I have learnt is that in order to help your child who is an addict, you have to use the tough love approach.
When your child is an addict he or she is ‘not your child’. They lie, steal, manipulate and more to get what they want,” he said.
ER24’s 24-hour crisis counselling line can be reached on 084 124.
Name changed in the article to protect the parent’s identity.
Issued by:
Chitra Bodasing
ER24 spokesperson